NYC

Through books, movies and the internet, I thought I knew what this city was. I thought I knew it enough to want to live here after graduation, without questions and without qualms. I had romanticized expectations, but I think I always knew that New York and I would have a turbulent relationship.

There has been more than enough in these past three weeks that has caused me to rethink my previous idea of New York. I hate the way honking is everyone's main method of communication: be it for anger, for lust or for business. I hate the tantalizing and crushing dreams housed by these people and, let's face it, by me as well. The tangibility of the desperation, talent and poverty is suffocating. I hate that, as someone who is neither impoverished nor alarmingly wealthy, I can taste both as if my life in this city can only end in either of those extremes. It doesn't take a genius to realize which is more likely. The seeming impossibility of any sort of moderation scares me. 

But on the other hand, I can't help but ultimately love this city. Being here forces me to be more. More creative, more independent, more resilient, more observant. And maybe that's being premature, as it has only been three weeks. But there's something about being here that is just immeasurably inspiring. My head's turning with ideas for projects after a long period of writer's block and a lack of any sort of muse. I've even grown to love the long subway rides because of the time it allows me to just zone off and think about various things without feeling too incredibly guilty. There is also nothing that cannot be cured by the view from Brooklyn Bridge Park or just looking up at the sky in the evening and seeing the lines and lights of the buildings. I hope I'll never tire of the views here.

However, it's one of the hardest places to first try and be an adult (paying rent, cooking, surviving), but as Frank Sinatra sang with deceptive ease, "If I can make it there, I can make it anywhere." Hah, the clichés are killing me right now, but I can't help it. Check out the song below, it really puts ya in a mood.

Not to make everything so metaphoric, but the only way I can describe the way I feel about this place is with these stupid love/relationship terms. There are things that I see everyday here that I despise, yet at the end of the day, I can't help but love the city unconditionally. It challenges me and it makes me better. But then again, maybe it's a phase I'll grow out of. An experience that'll be crucial to me moving forward. (I really can't apologize enough for this gross metaphor, hah.)

I think the most important thing that I've learned so far is that this is a place where you have to make an effort to go out, to try new things, to create opportunities for yourself. By nature, that's not me. I tend to be introverted and unless I'm comfortable in a situation, I separate myself. I've also found that I fall into convenience: be it with friends, activities, etc. The problem is that here, it is scarily easy to be isolated and conveniences aren't really a thing. (It literally takes an hour on the subway to get to most places from where my apartment is--talk about commitment.) I have to make a very conscious effort to not fall into my tendencies and I think New York throws me into the deep end, testing me and challenging my anxieties every day.

(But thank god also for Diana, who adopted me as a little sister and forces me to go out. She's getting her grad schooling on at Columbia Nursing School and we brought the café vagabonding from the Bay to NYC. She da bestest.)

I'm terrible at segues, so here's the exciting and less serious part of this post: pictures on my phone that are of barely passable quality and pictures from Diana's phone that are of significantly better quality. I've been too paranoid to drag around the DSLR. 

Anyway, without further ado, here are some pictures n stuff. 

First up, adventures with Diana. Checking out a park near our apartments and café hopping, as per usual. Nothing really beats Julie's but we tried.

Diana modeling.

Cafés. 

Just lines and lights when you look up.

This made me laugh and reminded me not to take life so seriously.
Nicole Loher's an adorable NYC blogger.

Oh hello cast of Orange is the New Black. 

OLIVER CAME TO NYC FOR THE PRIDE PARADE. He's one of my favorites. I missed him.
But da poop is in Providence for the summer.

 Honestly, this was another blitz photo post in an attempt to capture several weeks. Hah, but you get the gist. Once I got settled in and got over the homesickness, everything really picked up. I feel insanely lucky to be able to spend the summer here.